You know, ever since I can remember I thought that I was grown up. I was grown up when at age 11 I started wearing ripped jeans to picture day, shaving my arm pits and listening to Boys II Men. At least I thought I was. I won't write all the other ways I thought I was grown, since this is a public blog and I don't want to devastate my parents or any other family members. ;) Although I did get caught for everything... Anyways, it's only recently that I've realized how non-grown up I am. I look at responsibility and cringe. What?! Pay bills?! I'm too young for that...I'm not ready...I want to buy pretty things and party, not pay for my car and the roof over my head. I've been looking at life as forcing me to do be responsible and it's made me frustrated because I don't feel ready. But there was a reason that youthful me wanted to be seen as a grown up. It was the appeal of saying
"this is who i am, this is what i do and it's all my choice." Well I realize now that the roof over my head, my phone bill and all the other costs existing in my life are my CHOICE. I love my life and I have to be responsible in order to continue loving it. If I were to say F it! to all the responsibilities, where would that leave me? Probably squeegying (sp?) some windows downtown while trying to figure out what the next fun/unhealthy thing there is to do. So I have decided to embrace responsibility and be grown up, because it allows me to do
whatever I want, when I want.